


One Last TIme

by HuiLian



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Endgame AU, Not A Fix-It, background Natasa & Bucky, background Natasha Romanoff - Freeform, if you subscribe to that channel, you can see this as steve/bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 14:07:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18779818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HuiLian/pseuds/HuiLian
Summary: Thanos put the stone he pulled out back to the gauntlet. Steve sees everything almost in slow motion; he sees Tony grabbing Thanos’ hand, he sees Tony stand back up. He sees the stones moving from Thanos’ gauntlet to Tony’s armor. He knows instantly what Tony was going to do.Damn it. Tony has a daughter. Tony was the one saying that all the things that happened this past five years shouldn’t just be wiped out. Tony is the one with a wife and a daughter waiting for him at home.





	One Last TIme

**Author's Note:**

> first time writing Steve and Bucky and the thing that got out is this 4000 words monstrosity. I was thinking maybe 1000 words, but, NO. Apparently I have to go big or go home. I love Steve, I really do, but that ending was not something I can get behind (F- u, Russos.) So, this came out?   
> Anyway, enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I’m not Jewish, so forgive me for any wrong thing I have on the Jewish faith here.

 

_One last time and if we get this right_  
We’ll teach them how to say goodbye  
You and I

_One Last Time -Hamilton_

Steve watches Carol fight with Thanos. Then he watches Carol lost the fight with Thanos.

Carol never lost before. Steve didn’t even think that Carol _can_ lose.

She doesn’t stand back up. Steve feels himself freeze. What good is he, when he can lift Mjölnir, but he cannot do anything to help Carol?

Thanos put the stone he pulled out back to the gauntlet. Steve sees everything almost in slow motion; he sees Tony grabbing Thanos’ hand, he sees Tony stand back up. He sees the stones moving from Thanos’ gauntlet to Tony’s armor. He knows instantly what Tony was going to do.

Damn it. Tony has a daughter. Tony was the one saying that all the things that happened this past five years shouldn’t just be wiped out. Tony is the one with a wife and a daughter waiting for him at home.

Tony is the one that should come home from this war.

Steve runs towards Tony. He has no idea whether this plan would work, but he had to try. He had to try, for Tony.

Tony’s latest armour is made of nanobots, right? Here’s to hoping that Steve can rip those nanobots from Tony’s own arm. Steve hopes that FRIDAY won’t kill him on contact.

Distantly, Steve hears Thanos say that he is inevitable. It doesn’t matter. What matters right now is getting those stones off Tony’s hand. The force of those stones will kill him. Tony knows that. _Steve_ knows that.

Steve had been ready to die since the age of five, when the doctors came and told his mother when they thought he can’t hear, that he would not live to see his tenth birthday. Steve had been ready to die since he first got scarlet fever, then rheumatic fever, and then every single sickness that is known to men. Steve had been ready to die when he plunged that plane into the Artic. Steve had been ready to die when he was on top of that Helicarrier, fighting the man he owed his life to. Steve had been ready to die five years ago, when the very hope of bringing everyone they had lost vanished in front of him.

Steve had been ready to die. He had always been ready to die.

Steve grasps Tony’s hand, in a mirror of what Tony himself did to Thanos just seconds ago. Against all odds, the stones _move_ to his hands. The Ironman armour, or part of it, anyway, wrap around Steve’s hand.

Steve spares a moment to smirk at Thanos. “You’re not,” he says to this _creature_ that thought it best to just wipe out the whole world, the whole universe, with everything everyone had ever done. This _creature_ that thought himself god. Steve may not go to Mass anymore, nor does he believe in the god his mother taught him about, but he knows that this _creature,_ this _abomination_ , is not god. And neither is he inevitable.

Steve snaps his fingers. Now he knows why even Bruce, even the Hulk, was overcome with pain. Steve thought he knew pain. Until the serum, every breath he took was tinged with pain. Being inside Howard’s machine was the worst pain he felt, until he felt what it was like to freeze and then to thaw. Then he felt was it was like to face Bucky on that Helicarrier.

Steve should have known. There is always something more painful than the ones he had felt.

The satisfaction of seeing Thanos’ army vanished into dust, just like Bucky did five years ago, is more than worth it, though. The look of shock and anguish on Thanos’ face is _certainly_ more than worth it. Not to mention Thanos himself scattering into dust.

Steve collapses after that. There is no strength left in him to stand up. He doesn’t need to stand up, anyway.

“What did you do? What have you done?” Steve feels Tony’s hands, one with the armour coating it and one without, supporting his fall. Steve feels Tony lower him to the ground, gently. So gently.

“You… you have a daughter, Tony.” Steve manages to croak out. Tony shakes his head, and opens his mouth and closes it again, like he wanted to say something but can’t seem to get it out.

Steve never thought he’d see the day when he made Tony Stark at lost for words.

Tony has a frown upon his face, the one that told Steve that this matter is not yet finished, but there are other things to be done now. When had Steve been so well-versed in Tony Stark’s frowns?

(In the years after SHIELD fell, when Steve is racing to find Bucky but living in Tony’s home. In the five years when Steve tried to drown his sorrow by watching Tony Stark live a life he’d dreamed of living. In the five years where Steve watched little Morgan Stark grow up. Morgan will have her father with her, when she graduates high school; when she brings back a boy, or a girl, home; when she makes her own incredibly advanced technology. She will have her father with her.)

“Make sure Miss Morgan live a happy life, okay?” Steve whispers out. Morgan will have her dad with her, in a way that so many people doesn’t. In a way that Steve doesn’t, and Tony himself doesn’t. Isn’t that the essence of this job? To save many lives so that children can grow up with their parents?

“Yeah, I’ll do that.” Tony shakes his head. “Morgan’s going to live the best life there is, Cap, don’t you worry.”

“Good. Good.”

Steve almost closes his eyes, when he heard Bucky screaming. Why is Bucky screaming? Is he in danger?

“Steve!”

Oh, Bucky is screaming Steve’s name. Has he done something stupid recently?

Wait, _Bucky_ is screaming Steve’s name?

Oh, yeah. Bucky is back. Bucky is back and he is running towards Steve in full speed, not caring about people all around him.

“Steve!” Bucky stops in front of him, Tony having already moved to accommodate a frantic Winter Soldier. “Steve,” Bucky says again.

“Heya, Buck.” Steve feels himself smiling, although it hurts to smile. He can’t help it. He can’t help it.

“Stevie.” Bucky keeps saying his name. Why does Bucky keep saying his name? He is caressing Steve’s face, though, so that is nice.

“Hey.” Steve cannot tear himself from Bucky’s face. His eyes are drinking every single line on Bucky’s face, every single nook and cranny. Steve had memorized Bucky’s face decades ago, no matter how you count the years, but Steve finds himself memorizing it again. Memorizing it one last time.

One last time. Oh. Steve’s dying, _that’s_ why Bucky kept saying his name.

Steve has lost count how many times he had been dying. It seemed like every other month he was dying, before the serum. Instances of near-death does not significantly reduce after the serum, but at least the cause is different. All those times, though, Bucky was almost always by his side, saying his name like a litany.

Are they doomed to never be in sync with each other? One left, the other follows. One dies, the other follows. One survived, the other follows. Always one in front of the other, never truly walking together. Or at least, the time they spent walking together is so much less than the when they are out of sync with each other.

Steve Rogers will always follow Bucky Barnes, and Bucky Barnes will always follow Steve Rogers. To the jaws of death, Bucky said once upon a time. They have done that, to the jaws of death and _more_. Steve just hopes that Bucky didn’t try to follow him this time, though.

“I’m sorry, Buck,” Steve whispers. He really is sorry. He is sorry that they won’t have anymore time together. He is sorry that Bucky will have to watch him die. He is sorry that the time they have spent together is so little, compared to the life they had lived.

“Hey, no, Stevie. What have you got to be sorry for, huh?” Bucky forces a smile. Steve knows that Bucky is forcing himself not to cry, to not make little Stevie’s last moments on earth be more miserable than it is. Steve knows every single expression Bucky has, in every single iteration of Bucky Barnes, even after seventy years of brainwashing. (He’s not little Stevie anymore, is he? He can’t remember.)

“Go on, close your eyes. Go to sleep.” Steve knows Bucky is forcing those words. There is no world in which Bucky Barnes would encourage Steve Rogers to die. But even Bucky must have realized that Steve can’t survive these, can’t survive the damage those Infinity Stones did to a body. Even an enhanced body like Steve’s. Bucky is just trying to make Steve suffer less. There is no coming back from this.

Steve is strangely alright with that.

“When you open them, you’ll see your ma again. There she’ll be, so proud of her little boy. You’ll see Peggy again. God, what a woman that dame was. And you’ll see your pa, you’ll finally get to see your pa. He’s going to be there with your ma, and oh, how proud they’re gonna be of their boy.”

Steve’s eyes gradually lower. Bucky’s voice had turned full on Brooklyn, just like all those times he was sitting next to Steve’s bed, talking himself hoarse to distract Steve a little from all the pain he’s feeling.

“My ma and da will be there too, I guess. My ma’s gonna stuff you so full with her cooking you’ll feel you could burst. Becca’s gonna be there too, and Jeanine, and Susan. Be wary of those girls, Stevie. You know how they get.”

It was not unusual for 1930’s to 1940’s Bucky Barnes to talk about his parents and sisters. It is, however, unusual for present (Past? Present? Steve doesn’t know and doesn’t care anymore at this point.) Bucky Barnes to talk about his parents and sisters. It reminded Steve.

“What about you, Buck?”

Steve hears Bucky huff. The huff that tells people ‘can you believe this kid?’. “I’ll be fine, Stevie. There’s Sam, and Wanda. There’s Shuri, that little genius of a girl. I’ll be fine, don’t you worry about me.”

Behind Bucky, watching all this unfold, Steve can hear Tony say, “I’ll take care of him, Cap. Don’t worry.”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine, Stevie. We’re all gonna be fine. It’s okay.”

That said, Steve takes one last look on Bucky’s face. He wants to make sure he remembers every single thing about Bucky so that he can recount them to Ma, Mrs. Barnes, not to mention Bucky’s sisters.

He closes his eyes, and-

***

Bucky would not cry. He would not cry while sitting next to Steve’s deathbed, that he had promised himself years ago. He had always known that Bucky Barnes would outlive Steve Rogers. He had known that eavesdropping on Mrs. Rogers’ conversations with dozens of doctors; he had known that sitting on Steve’s bedside one sickness after another; he had known that watching Steve launch himself into danger after danger.

Bucky would not cry as long as Steve was still alive to hear him. He’ll stay then, despite everything, despite all the pain, for Bucky. Steve will stay. Steve had faced death and came out the winner. He would struggle through this too, if he thought it would help Bucky.

Steve had done so much for Bucky. Bucky cannot be so selfish as to keep Steve from the rest he had earned.

But Steve is no longer alive. And so Bucky cries. He cries.

(He presses a kiss to Steve’s forehead. A gesture he had done countless of times, but never when Steve is awake to feel it. And now Steve will never feel it.)

***

“Is there a priest? A Catholic priest?” Bucky heard himself ask. A crowd had formed around them, around the bubble that is Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers (and Tony Stark too. Is he still here?)

“We’ll find one,” Stark says. “Steve’s catholic?”

“Was, is. All I know is that Sarah Rogers will roll in her grave if her boy is not given his last rites.” Well, his last rites again. God alone knows how many times Steve had been given the final anointing. It was never final, not then, but this time it is. This time Steve Rogers won’t get back up.

“We’ll find one,” Stark says again.

“Okay.”

Bucky lifts Steve’s body. (God, Steve’s body. Bucky had lifted Steve so many times in their lives, willingly too, even after Steve had become a two-hundred-something pounds of Captain America, but he had wished that he would never have to lift Steve’s dead, limp body.) Steve should not be lying in rubble.

“Is there somewhere I can… I can…”

“Yeah, I think there’s somewhere you can…”

Neither Stark nor Bucky can muster enough strength to say it. Somewhere to put Steve’s body. As if when the words are said, the reality of Steve dying will cement and nothing can be changed. If they haven’t said those words yet, there’s _something_ yet to be done. Steve is not dead. Not yet.

(Bucky is fooling himself. He knows he is fooling himself. He cannot bring himself to care.)

Stark inclines his head, and then leads the way. Bucky trails behind, carrying Steve. The crowd follows, too.

Somehow, there is a place with a bed that is not completely covered in rubble. Bucky lays down Steve on the bed, and then sits down on the bed himself. Then, words he thought he had lost forever emerged on his mouth.

“ _Yitgadal v’vitkadash sh’mei raba, B’alma di v’ra chirutei,…”_

Mourner’s Kaddish. That’s what Bucky is now, isn’t he? A mourner. Steve had gone and he is mourning.

Steve had gone.

Steve had died.

The words flow on Bucky’s tongue. There was a time when Bucky thought he would not say this on Steve’s bedside. He was not Steve’s sibling. He was not Steve’s family. Mrs. Rogers was not Jewish, and so there will be no Mourner’s Kaddish on Steve’s funeral.

There was a time when Bucky thought he would say the kaddish on his own bed, mourning Steven Grant Rogers as a brother by himself, because there is no blood between them.

There is enough blood between them, now. (Too much blood.) And besides, there is nobody else to do this, and so Bucky will.

“ _Oseh shalom bimromav, Hu yaaseh shalom aleinu, v’al kol Yisrael, V’imru: Amen.”_

Another voice joined on the last line of the kaddish. Scarlett Witch. Wanda Maximoff.

The kid from Sokovia that Steve had worried the most when he was going to the Raft to free his teammates. The kid from Sokovia that had managed to destroy one of the infinity stones. The kid from Sokovia that killed her own boyfriend to keep Thanos from taking the Infinity Stone on top of his head.

The kid that, apparently, knows the kaddish.

“He said it with me, when I was mourning my brother. He said he’s not Jewish, but he knows the words. Asked me whether I want company or not. He said the kaddish with me, and then he took me in. I was alone, and he took me in.” Wanda moves to grasp Steve’s hand. “I never told him how thankful I am to have him. And now it’s too late.”

Then she goes to Bucky’s side, and hugs him. Bucky had never been close to the kid. Didn’t have the chance, with her gallivanting the world with Steve and him being in Wakanda. But now, Bucky welcomes the warmth of her body against him.

Another warmth next to him. Sam is next to Bucky, looking at Steve as he speaks. “Met the little shit when he was lapping me on my morning run. Then a few days later, he shows up on my doorstep with a Russian spy saying that everybody they know is trying to kill them. I told him then that there is no better reason to get back in then Captain America asking for help. I was wrong. _Steve Rogers_ asking for your help is the best reason to get back in. Even if he is a little shit.” Bucky saw Sam smiling sadly. “Your war’s over, Steve. Your tour is done, and now we’re going to keep it up. I hope that you find something to be happy about, where ever you are now.”

“Mjölnir can only be lifted by those who are worthy. I can think of no one else than Steve who is more fitting to wield Mjölnir. May your journey be swift to Valhalla, my friend, and may you roam the halls of Valhalla with all of my other shieldbrothers.” Thor steps forward to whisper something Bucky cannot catch to Steve. Thor, the god of thunder. Bucky doesn’t think that he has it inside him to be surprised anymore, but apparently he still can. “I’m proud to be able to call you a brother.”

After Thor, one by one, Steve’s friends talk about him. Barton, Lang, T’Challa, Shuri, Okoye, and even the blue alien and the racoon. The glowing girl, the one they call Danvers, also speaks. Not Natasha. And now that Bucky thinks about it, Bucky realizes that he hasn’t seen Natasha ever since he was un-dusted. When Bucky looks at Barton to ask him about it, Barton shakes his head. Later. Bucky will deal with it later.

(Natasha? Little Natalia? No. She is just injured, just injured. She is going to be here later. She’s just injured.)

(Bucky knows better. He knows he know better. He knows _Natasha_ better. But he wants to believe otherwise. Not Natasha. Not her too.)

Finally, Stark says, “When I was a kid, my dad would talk about him all the time. Every year, my dad would go to the Artic to find him. He’s a legend come back to life. And you know what? He kinda lives up to the legend. We have our differences, but you can’t deny that he’s a good man. Damn, he can lift Thor’s hammer.” Here, Stark stops, takes a breath, and continues. “Thank you, Cap.”

Stark looks at Miss Potts, and she gives him a small smile. Stark then shakes his head, and goes over to Miss Potts to hug her. Bucky sees Parker gives Steve a salute from where he’s standing, and then he also goes to Stark’s side.

Bucky cannot help but feel grateful that Steve has (had) so many good friends. He cannot help but feel inadequate too. Once upon a time, Steven Grant Rogers have only one friend, James Buchanan Barnes. And now he has (had) legions of superheroes willing to go to war for him.

Sam nudges Bucky. “You gonna say something?”

Bucky meets Sam’s eyes. “Should I?”

“Say something, man. He’s your friend.”

Bucky snorts. Understatement of the century. “Yeah, okay.” He takes Steve’s hand in his, and closes his eyes. “Before the serum, he’s a gallon of fight in a half pint bottle. After the serum, he’s a ton of fight in a gallon bottle. Never knew when to back off from a fight. Can’t even count how many fights I got into thanks to him. Best friend a guy could ask for, though.” Here, Bucky opens his eyes, and looks to Steve’s face. At peace, finally, maybe. “End of the line, pal. It’s the fucking twenty first century, and it’s finally the end of the line. Can’t promise not to do anything stupid though, pal,” Bucky lowers his voice until it’s barely more than a whisper, “’Cause you’re not going back. Not this time.”

Bucky squeezes Steve’s hand so hard, that if Steve were awake, he would have bitched about it. But Steve’s not awake, and so Bucky continues to squeeze Steve’s hand as hard as he can.

(Steve is never going to wake up again.)

***

Later that day, Bucky found himself alone with Tony Stark.

And, as much as Bucky wishes he hadn’t murdered Howard and his wife, the fact is that it was Bucky’s hands that caused their deaths. Tony is rightfully angry about that.

(Steve would tell him that he was being an idiot. That Hydra was using him, and that he didn’t have any say in the murders that he had done as Winter Soldier.

Steve is dead.)

Bucky is not going to be the one to break the awkward silence. (Between a man and the assassin who murdered his parents. Awkward is just one way of putting it.) He knows that Tony Stark, given silence, will try to fill it. And it is better to just let the man talk, instead of trying to make a conversation that _will_ turn disastrous.

True to form, Tony says, “The thing Steve said, when I ask him what he had done, he told me I have a daughter. He told me I have a _daughter._ ” Then he meets Bucky’s eyes.

Bucky doesn’t know why Stark ask this to him. There must be someone else that can explain this. Miss Potts, maybe, Colonel Rhodes, or …

Oh. Not Natasha. Natasha is also dead.

(He’s truly alone now. The two people that had known him _before_ are dead.)

“Steve knows what it’s like to grow up without a father.” Memories of Mrs. Rogers and Steve carefully making Mrs. Rogers salary last for rent, medicine, and food hit Bucky. “Well, I guess your daughter’s not going to suffer financially, even without you, but still. Growing up without a father is hard. Steve won’t wish that on anybody, especially on your kid.”

Stark snorts. “Yeah, that’s Steve alright.”

Bucky has to say it. He won’t have another moment alone with Stark. (Stark is suspicious of him, with good reason. Bucky would be suspicious of himself.) Hell, this moment is practically a miracle to have.

“Look, Stark, I know you hate me. And that’s alright. God knows I’ve earned that. I also know you said what you said to Steve to ease his mind, and I’m thankful for that, I really do. But you don’t have to keep it. It’s fine.”

Stark frowns. “What I said to Steve?”

“Yeah.” Bucky frowns back. “You said you’ll take care of me. You don’t have to do that.” Bucky shrugs a bit. “I’m really thankful that you said that to Steve, though.”

“Wait. You think I’m just saying that to Cap to, what? To ease his mind?”

“Yeah.” Bucky is bewildered. Stark _can’t_ mean what he said, can he? Stark hates him.

“Look, Buckaroo, I may be a dick, but I keep my word. I mean what I said.” Stark sighs a bit. “Five years gives a man a new perspective, after all.”

Five years?

They were gone for five years. Steve and Tony and everyone else live five years without them. Still.

“I killed your parents, Tony,” Bucky says. He really doesn’t want to bring this up, but. But. Well.

“Don’t _remind_ me of that, Buckaroo. But, like I said. Five years. I read your files. I read _everyone’s_ files.” Stark sighs. “Who kills a man? The bullet, or the gun that fires the bullet, or the man that fires the gun, or the people forcing the man to fire the gun, or the man who profits in making the gun that was fired?”

Bucky looks at him. Does the man want answers?

“They called me the Merchant of Death.” Stark sounds like he would rather say anything else that this. “I used to make guns for a living. Well, not for a living. For a fortune. And it was dear old dad who started the family business. In a way, dad kinda killed himself.”

“Tony.” Bucky stops. “ _Stark_.”

“Don’t. Just, don’t, okay? I promised Steve I would take care of you, and I will. I will.”

Bucky meets Tony’s eyes. There is a look of determination behind his eyes. Behind that determination, something else. Affection for Steve, maybe. Love for his kid, definitely.

Bucky smiles, a bit. They will be alright. They owe it to Steve to be alright.

(And maybe save the world, _again._ There is still work to be done. The villains don’t just magically disappear.)

***

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> check out my tumblr (huilian.tumblr.com)  
>  A lot of my characterization of Steve and Bucky here is based on  this  amazing, amazing series by girlbookwrm. Check it out, please. You won’t be dissapointed


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